Lawerence of Brookside

“So long as the Hoosiers fight college against college, so long will they be a little people, a silly people.”

“Yes, I am aware that Lawrence of Arabia is on but I am watching Purdue vs IU. I am also aware that you have your own TV and your own DVD.”

“There’s no time to waste then, is there?” With his white robes a yard behind him, Larry rushes off to his room.

I should hate Larry way more than I do, but he always pays the rent on time and really, it’s nice to see a guy that sticks to his guns. Well, his gun actually (it’s a big ugly revolver called a Webley) but still good to know. The first time he pulled it out, I was a little bit wary. We’ve come to an understanding since. He doesn’t threaten me as long as I don’t stop him from drinking lemonade. I wasn’t doing that at the time but, that makes the compromise all the more easy to follow.

I now take copious amounts of drugs. Once you know that a person like Larry is capable of existing, it sorts of frees you of any apprehension that drugs may alter your reality irrevocably. Not that they won’t but, surely nothing worse than Larry. I stick to weed mainly, I do have a vocation after all. I also have a thesaurus, but I swear most of these words I already knew.

Anyways back to the curious event, a rather rude debtor for a local supplier of narcotics comes knocking halfway through the game. I say knocking but it is more akin to hammering and when the phrase “Yo Bitch!” is used to address me I tend to tune out. The debtor uses the phrase a few dozen times. Then he comes through the door.

This is where my open door policy sort of hit’s me in the face. No, he did that. My open door policy is just a sort of a bad idea. Anyways, he slapping me and I’m snickering, stupid on something sticky. After about two minutes of this, he’s pulls out his big bad chrome gat and I’m flat out laughing. That’s a nervous tick I get around death.

Anyways, the debtor probably should of splurged on a double action. The moment the slide comes back with that elastic sound, Larry’s out his door barrel first. He fires two incredibly well placed shots with the most rickety firearm on Earth. Larry’s well endowed with bizarre abilities. He’s also holding his very sharp jambyia above his head, ready to let the dagger drink.

“No prisoners! No prisoners!”

The debtor’s shoulder is torn to shreds and the guy is scared shitless, I can smell it. The poor debtor backs out our door and tumbles off our porch, bouncing down our long flight of stairs. He quickly disappears into the dusk. Surprisingly, Larry decides to watch the game with me. I get free weed and Larry teaches me a new word, today has been gooda good day. Say it with me now: Jom be uh, Jom be uh.