Man Not on Fire

I can’t imagine a worst way to die than burning alive, but then again I’ve always been stuck in the moment. I keep low and thank whatever gods may be that this house has only one story. Why am I doing this? A woman of course, she’s sixty-seven and not likely to get to sixty-eight at this rate. Somewhere outside professionals are setting up as amateur hour is about to end with two causalities.

Today of all days, I decided to be a man and a stupid man at that. I find the woman, she’s in the backyard screaming. She’s not on fire, just uninsured and utterly ruined. I scramble to save my own dumbass and trip over a ten year old boy underneath the medicine cabinet. What was he doing looking through the medicine cabinet, you ask? Oh wait, you asked what am I doing in the medicine cabinet?

I’m trying to profit, it seems counterintuitive that a hero would want profit but you don’t really know me. They way I figure it is if I can’t help anyone else, I might as well help myself. Trust me on this, painkillers can be very helpful. Anyways, there’s two of us now and we’re getting out of here. If no one notices the Morphine tablets in my pocket so much the better.

There’s technically an exit straight ahead but I doubt I’d be able to climb out a porthole in these current hazy conditions. We make our way towards the living room. Well I make our way, he’s still unconscious. We should probably have a talk about team-building when we get out. This boy is just not participating. Behind us the house crackles like dry paper.

The front door splinters violently as an ax is suddenly opening it the hard way. In front of us is a man in a black coat with yellow piping and big yellow hat. I’m guessing a fireman but my mind’s first impulse is to believe he’s a man looking for a monkey. Either way, the outfit really works for him. I think the smoke is getting to me because I feel like kissing him.

We exit the burning house picture perfect. Me with a blanket, the fireman with the child he rudely confiscated from me. Ultimately, I’ll forgive him. I didn’t have any use for the kid anyways. I’m told I’m a hero. I’m told I’m brave. It’s good to hear; I’ll I’ve never been one to grudge kudos. No one checks my pockets for jewelry or drugs. All and all, today has been a good day.

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