“Mama, just killed a man.”

As he spoke the words, Louis realized his mistake.

“No Mother, I don’t own a gun. I am not quoting anything.”

Before she got to the operatic bit, Louis hung up. His van’s headlights pointed directly towards the ditch where the dead man landed. He turned off the engine and left the driver’s seat. His cellphone was the only light he needed. As he slowly climbed down the ditch he found a forty year old man dead but utterly intact. The deceased’s wallet told Louis that the man was Robert D’nofrio of Lexington, Kentucky. Robert was a CPA, a CPA with no pulse. As Louis stood back up, he realized that he had soiled his fifty dollar pants in mud.

There he stood off the shoulder of an old country road with a dead man in a ditch. Louis wasn’t worried, wasn’t feeling guilty either because Louis believed in God. He didn’t actually go to church or follow any morality imposed on him, that stuff is for chumps. The way he figured it things were simple; if God thought he was doing wrong, God would strike him down. Louis waited five minutes for a lightning bolt. When the five were up, Louis got to work.

He wrapped his hands under Robert’s ribcage through the pits. Slowly Louis walked the body up to his minivan. He opened the hatch and laid the body lengthwise. On a closer inspection, Robert was found immaculate. Louis closed the hatch with a sigh. It had been so long since he had really flexed his taxidermy muscles. Robert would be a challenge.There were so few left.

Louis got in the driver’s seat and started back to the motel they were staying in. Sarah stared at him coldly. She hated detours and Louis’s sick hobbies; when they collaborated it was all the worse. She was just generally not having a fun time on this vacation. Malcolm said nothing as he was always the strong silent type. Theo stared out the window lost in his own world. They were quite a motley crew really.

“Hey, guess what!”

No one bothered to pay attention, typical.

“I found somebody to replace Scott.”

The whole van lit up, the tension and anticipation were killing them but no one dare make a sound, lest they might ruin the joyful  mood.