Merrily Merrily Merrily

“You know, I believe this cigar tastes a bit like milk chocolate.”

Harriet was mortified at the visual of her blind date eating a cigar in the middle of a restaurant. Her face was sure to be associated with the weirdest man any of these fine patrons had ever witnessed. That was the best case scenario. That one excluded the almost omnipresent camera phone factor. With phones in play, Harriet’s life becomes an internet meme. She cycled through the worst things she had ever done, trying to find the exact moment she was singled out for God’s wrath. She couldn’t find it. Two minutes after her blind date started eating his cigar, Harriet realized that God was a rat fink.

“What in the hell is wrong with you?”

“What? You don’t find chocolate delicious?”

“Yes but that’s a cigar. Hence the fact that you lit the tip. One does not tend to light chocolate on fire.”

“Maybe you don’t but really what do you know? You just started existing an hour ago.”

“I’m twenty three you freak!”

“Wow, my subconscious really gave you a lot of spunk. I love that in a woman. Hell, I hope you’re a recurring character.”

“Are you saying I’m fictional.”

“Either that or I have multiple personalities. I’m really open to either explanation.”

“So you think I’m a figment of your imagination.”

“Well, it’s certainly a possibility.”

“No, it’s not. I think therefore I am.”

“Actually, I think you think, therefore I’m delusional. I’m very clever like that.”

Tobias looked at Harriet smugly. Tobias knew that she was a figment but he was becoming slightly annoyed with the fact that she refused to play along. This was his imagination and it was rebelling against him. It was AP Physics finals all over again.

“Okay, so I’m an illusion and you made me antagonist.”

“I’m very Socratic.”

“You’re very delusional and missing the point. I am quite sure I exist and your quite obviously using circular logic.”

“No, see I’m dying in a ditch. My car spun out and right now I’m slowly bleeding to death.”

“Really, you don’t remember anything else after?”

“Well, I remember getting out of the car but after that everything seemed just fictional and silly.”

“Sounds like post traumatic stress.”

“But how does that explain me pissing on my boss’s desk?”

“Easily, you’re temporarily insane. Either that or this is the most elaborate attempt to get out of paying a bill I’ve ever witnessed.”

“God, you won’t even foot the bill. Fine I’ll pay but it only proves that you don’t have any money and are therefore unreal.”

Slowly he pulled out his wallet as the waiter came carrying the little black folder. Promptly, she left. Strangely, he felt as if he lost that argument. He couldn’t fathom quite how.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. William Lawson
    Nov 21, 2010 @ 16:08:29

    Underscoring the axiom: “If you’re written into another’s story, bring your pen along.” 😉


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