Mary Sue, How Pathetic Are You?

Here you are and you’re looking down at the pews in front of you while everyone else closes their eyes. Your sorta scared of the thoughts that might come so you got yourself the words Merry Christmas and you’re going to see just how many words are hidden inside those two. If you stop your little puzzle you might just cry, so keep on keeping on.

Thank god she was protestant, kneeling would throw you off your very important train of thought. The train is going anywhere but to her gray milky eyes. A thought occurs and you wish it didn’t. It’s a little paradox. How can it end, how can something stop being? Rationally. It’s easy enough to explain but from inside your heads it’s impenetrable and impossible. You gotta come to terms with the fact that you to will die.

Now that you’ve done that, don’t you feel better? Feel like living your life? Nah, time to mull this over for a while. If you think long and hard enough you might just find your answer. Imagine, no one will ever have to die again. Yeah, that’s quite possible. Plus, if you stare a thousand yards out no one will want to talk to you. They’ll just touch and give you some nice empathy. Not like you need such a thing, you got a system. It’s working real well so far.

Well, you already said your goodbyes and what the hell else matters. You watched her go and it took a good while. She would cry, she would scream, she would panic. Then she finally got good and still and you felt relieved. Trust me, that’s gonna gnaw at you but not right now case you haven’t figured out all the words inside Merry Christmas.

Now you go for a walk. You have successfully evaded the tin can full of your grandmother and this is your victory march. You go around the block and then a bit longer away from the church. Distance is your friend. After a full rotation of the minute hand you come back. Congratulations, you’ve avoided everyone that loves you just so you don’t have to think about those last days and how god damn useless you were. Mary Sue, how pathetic are you?

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