Faking It

I’ve got myself a new drug, a true wonder of modern convenience. It’s a smile on my face, a bounce in my step, and a song that I can’t help but whistle. It’s a good feeling everywhere but my mind. It’s called Obstubliss and it’s just wonderful. You take your syringe and you fill it up until there’s nothing left in the little bottle and then shoot up in the place where you’re most comfortable and then look happy all day. I warn you, this is Jimmy Stewart happy not the unmitigated insane joy that clowns exude. If you need that, try puppies.

It works on your brain, but somehow keeps the motors and the mind kosher. I don’t really understand the science, but I know it involves some sort of complicated chemical morse code type thing that the synapses understand and read as “Act happy!”. It usually takes about three hours to kick in. If you take it right as you get out of bed and someone finds you grumpy just say you haven’t had you first cup of joe or breakfast. That alibi always works for me.

I can keep my stormy weather on the inside and it’s all sunshine outside. All I have to do is shut up and let everyone else gush molten grievances and my smile stays. When they look at me, they see this small smile undeterred by their petty problems. I become a shelter from the storm instead of just another jagged place hidden in deep waters. I say a couple well worn words of encouragement with a fake voice of wisdom and they feel better

My life’s gotten a lot better since this drug came into it. I have friends, acquaintances and even just the odd happy stranger that wants to talk to me. People look at me and start smiling. If I start laughing, seems like the whole word chuckles. If this city gets any happier the CDC will quarantine my ass. I never understood the phrase fake it till you make it but that’s because I never made it. Well, I did and here I am, honestly happy.


David Banner is a real person, one of millions that use and enjoy Obstubliss.


Warning: Does not cure Bipolar Disorder, Dementia, or Depression. Do not use with an MAOI inhibitor. Do not use if pregnant.



Consult your doctor today to see if you’re ready to start looking great.

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