She The DVD

It was cold the day her memory skipped. Ever since, there has been a scratch in Jessica’s mind that would bring her back there when she thought of certain things. She sometimes recalls, the little girl with pig tails and untied shoes. And then there’s so much blood. Poor girl has a hole in her and there’s nothing Jessica can do. Someone some 100 yards away had missed and then a little girl who had no enemies in the world was dead.

Jessica will then fantasize, cruel and delusional daydreams. She usually saves the girl. She counts her seconds, and she waits for the girl to tie her shoes. As the girl puts the rabbit’s ears together, Jessica grabs the girl and pushes her away. Jessica sacrifices herself nobly. Sometimes, Jessica grabs the girl and the both land in the lawn, inches safe from the bullet. The girl stares at her astonished, she reveres Jessica. They become good friends, Jessica’s the little girl’s confidante.

Then some days, Jessica’s still too late and vengeance is the only thing she can do. She runs down through yards and alleys until she finds the man. He’s a big man with two tears tattooed under his eye. It doesn’t matter, Jessica is righteous and capable. He is still holding the offending weapon in his hand. Jessica makes her way through the other drunks and slugs him in the face with her right. As he reels bleeding from the mouth, the gun flies out of his hand. The roll of pennies breaks and it rains Lincolns. Her nails are nice and sharp and she’s down on him while the crowd laughs. She laughs too. His blood mixes with the little girl’s as the knife cuts deeper and deeper.

Next thing, Jessica realizes it’s 10:30 am ten years after and that girl is still dead, the man is in jail and Jessica is alive and free. The spirit of the staircase wallops her with coulda, shoulda, woulda. She couldn’t and therefore she wouldn’t but it’s a lie that goes too damn deep to be cleaned out. She lives with it, limps with it. The little girl sleeps on the other side of a big mega store. She feels strange being there, like a party where she doesn’t know anyone. She looks down at the little girl’s stone. Jessica leaves after a brief moment of silence, a guest should never overstay their welcome.

On the other side of the road there is a diner and Jessica finds herself drinking too much coffee desperately hoping to spark something in her mind that’s not the little girl. Little thoughts come to her but nothing substantial. Nothing lifts her from her tried and false scenarios that she runs in her mind. The fries are good though and that’s almost enough to do it, almost. She catches the 8 home and cleans some DVDs. As she cranks the device the dirt becomes apparent and she wipes it clean.

If only psychiatry worked liked that.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. William Lawson
    Dec 23, 2010 @ 08:24:45

    “If only psychiatry worked liked that.”

    I’ve heard of a dental practice that produces similar results regarding adjustments made to information storage. šŸ˜‰


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