Lost In A Metaphor

“Oh god, why am I in a bar?”

Melvin found his answer two stools over, where a prominent scientist sat talking away at the fourth wall. This scientist had a special running on PBS. Melvin was lost in someone else’s metaphor, again. It had becoming a recurring theme in Melvin’s life that cough syrup and educational television tended to cause a bad trip. That was all fine, Melvin wanted a beer anyways.

“Hey barkeep, cerveza por favor!”

The bartender only stared at with a confused look on her face. This metaphor didn’t speak Spanish.

“Sorry, would you please get me a beer.”

She kept that confused look, it was beginning to seem like she was stoned but she did reply.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

She took a glass off the rack above her head and began pouring from the tap. As she handed it to Melvin, he noticed that it didn’t smell quite right. Taking as little heed to this life threatening bad omen as possible, Melvin drank. Afterwards, Melvin spat like a fire sprinkler.

“This is urine. Why do you have urine on tap?”

“You had an equal chance that it would be anything else.”

“I didn’t even know that there was a chance that someone would pee in a keg. Why would someone pee in a keg?”

“And you think I know?”

“I guess not.”

“Want another try?”


This time it tasted like tang. Things were looking up.

“So is this show any good?”

“Ah, he’s got a good enough presence but this metaphor sorta sucks and he uses it over and over again.”

“Least it pays the bills.”

“So what do you do when you’re not a metaphor?”

“I’m an actress.”

“Oh right, think there’s any chance we could hook up?”

“Depends, you live in the Los Angeles area?”

“Alas, no. Plus you’re a delusion caused by cold medication.”

“Well, there is that. However if you ever meet me in real life give me a call.”

He paid his bill and left the bar. Outside the bar there were willow trees everywhere. He assumed this was because he liked willow trees. This metaphor wasn’t all that bad. Beat the hell out of killing cats. Schroedinger is one scary son of a bitch.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Carson Margedant
    Dec 26, 2010 @ 23:58:51

    Tags help. Sorry that it looks like I double booked a day, when proofreading remember to put tags on things. Take my cautionary tale to heart.


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