The New Adventures of Old Snot Nose

In a word Beatrice’s world was crapulence. She was being drunk by a vicious viscous green monster. Every glass of water she had in her was feeding it. Every ten minutes she was emptying it’s excess into tissues and shirt sleeves. She drank and she sneezed in rapid succession but she was losing herself in the constricted death throws of her waking mind. The snot was winning and more and more Beatrice was dreaming.

In fits and starts, she was writing a letter to her parasite explaining her day by day interactions with people, water coolers and the omnipresent television. This would soon be the snot’s problem as it would soon become the dominant species inside Beatrice’s body. The more she explained her job and the three other people’s jobs that she did on a regular basis, the more she felt that it may indeed be nice to be simply watching Beatrice’s life.

Judging from her new position in the bleachers, she could appreciate her life better. It was really a pretty good show as long as you’re not living it. It was comedic gold and she could finally laugh at it. In her comfortable seating in the nosebleeds of her mind, she would watch it all.

The show would start with Ben and Beatrice meeting at the coffee in the snack room. She would let out string of verbal blunders, obviously flustered and infatuated. He would smile and then ignore her. Through the failed troubleshoots and the indelible stains she would survive and make it to five. Ben would slightly and she would be wound up again, ready for the next day. There would be a copyright skating rendition of “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” during the credit roll.

Beatrice went to bed with happy thoughts of being a couch potato with a paycheck and woke up mucus free. She sighed and went to brush her teeth. It was another day outside her head, laugh track free.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Carson Margedant
    Jan 19, 2011 @ 07:46:59

    This was method writing, actual sinus infection. Next time? Heroine!* Actually I’ll give you that as a freebie right here: Idoncare. Wha? Idoncare.
    Riveting right?
    *Actually I took morphine, in a hospital.


  2. idlethumbtom
    Jan 19, 2011 @ 22:35:13

    Scatological and scintillating… good green stuff!


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