Side B: A Love Letter In Dead Wax

Please read as the needle would if it could.

A spy can hold his secrets for a long time, but I guess you’ve found one of mine. I am Barret Jenson, claims representative for the Social Security Administration. Before that I was an accountant and leak within the Federal Security Service. Sometimes, I have been quite clever in my life but I confess, I am a fool in these sort of affairs.

I’m by nature a shy man and it’s always been my way to let good thing pass by me. It’s a facet of me that helps me in my occupation. I feel no need to act upon the world, I merely observe and report. I’m a spectator and usually happy to be one but I can’t let this pass me, I can’t let you pass me by.

Ever since you walked into the cubicle adjacent, I have noticed you. At first my attraction was simply just physical. Your curly brown hair, your svelte but muscular figure, it drove me wild. Then I listened to you. Your love of Vonnegut sharpened mine, your adoration of Brahms made me listen to him new. You not only made me want to be a better person, you made me a better person.

I love you Virginia Beckingsale and I think I will do so until I die. We have spoken on several occasions and to my shame I have never made an advance or made my intentions anything close to clear. I intend to love you and I can only hope you love me. I had to give you a message before you left for parts unknown.

If your tried to play this, I’m sorry. You probably just heard a terrible screeching noise. This is all an old trick I picked up back when I spoke Russian fluently and lived a different life. I was hoping that an album entitled “A Pan Flute Plays The Best of The Acid Rock Era”. I hope you weren’t looking forward to listening to “If 6 was 9”, I’m afraid it was a casualty.

I’m not sure why I’m telling you all this odd business about me being a spy, maybe I want to impress you. I don’t really care if you believe me, I just want you to know I love you. If you even have the slightest notion of reciprocation please use the contact information on the post it note enclosed.

I am a passive romantic fool for you, and if you need another copy of this record just call me, I burnt it before I made my alterations.

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