Schrodinger’s Glovebox: A Legal Paradox

I hope she doesn’t look in my glove box, where that dead hand is.

Officer Kate Felk sighed, incriminating thought was a normal occurrence but this one felt ripe for the plucking. The man in the car had been pulled over for going 30 in a 50 mile per hour area. If anyone else had pulled him over no problem, but Kate just happened to be the only telepath on the force. It was indeed maddening to let guilty men go free, but the fourth amendment was pretty clear cut.

She leaned in the window of the red hatchback.

“Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?”

“No officer.”

What if she knows about the dead hand in the glove box?

She cringed slightly, but returned to composure.

“You were going considerably under the speed limit, twenty miles in fact.”

“Geez, I’m sorry I guess I was preoccupied.”

“I’m going have to give you a ticket.”

“Alright officer.”

Thank god, she didn’t find the dead hand in my glove box.

“Please shut the hell up about your damn glove box!”

“What?”

“Look, your lucky that mental self incrimination has been deemed legally inadmissible in the court of law or I’d be in your glove box right now.”

Before she could realize the double entendre she had uttered, he let out a feminine shrill screech and put the gas pedal to the floor. After about a half second of befuddlement, she was running back to her cruiser. The door slammed and she pursued. She knew this was another damn demerit on her record. At this rate, she’d never make detective. It had been five years and she was still writing tickets. This was a real inspiration for Psychic Americans.

He was moving fast, faster than she had ever thought an AMC Pacer with a two busted tires ever could go. As he ducked and weaved through heavy traffic, it occurred to Kate that a woman could get killing doing this type of thing. It slowed her for just a second. When cowardice and common sense intersected, a ford pickup decided to join the fray. For a moment, the Pacer spun in an accidental but quite well executed PIT maneuver. The Pacer promptly landed in a ditch.

With a strange thrill somewhere between Pokemon trainer and huntsman, she drove pulled over to the ditch to find her new catch. He was amazingly unharmed and more importantly dead to rights. After a dry spell of three months, she had herself a bona fide arrest. She slapped on the handcuffs with such joy abundant that the man almost forgot he was in deep shit.

Thank God that menace is off the street, and thank God for this crack pipe I’m smoking

She sighed and led the impish criminal to the back of her car.

“Lord, give me the strength to change what I can…”

“Hey, those aren’t my rights.”

He almost bumped his head but she thought better of it. After all, there were potholes all over the place.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Carson Margedant
    Apr 27, 2011 @ 16:26:43

    Hi, I don’t know if you’re still around sir, but I’m curious about something. To the person who came here by ways of searching for glovebox paradox, what were you looking for?

    Reply

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