See The Buddha, Kill The Buddha

I can see you and you’re forty years younger than you were the last time we met. I’m crying cause I know I’m leaving and I don’t want to go. You’ve still got that red hair and it’s long and straight. Judging by how you look, I should be five. I’m craning my neck to look at you. I’m forty four and you’re just huge now, looking down at me.

“How was your day Phil?”



“I fell on something sharp.”

“Do you need a doctor?”

“I don’t think it will help.”

“Oh, I’m sorry do you want me to get you a band-aid?”

“No, no Mom.”

I stop, the words keep dying before I can speak them. I know I have to say them.

“Mother, I don’t need you anymore.”

“Son, I was changing your diapers not four years ago.”

“It’s been forty three, I just seem to default to you as I knew you when I was five.”

“That doesn’t mean you can just leave me.”

“I have to leave and where I’m going I can’t carry you with me.”

“Does your father know?”

“Dad does, Robert does, Eloise does, even Carl does.”

“So am I the last to know?”

“As always, I was scared to tell you.”

“You’re a sweet boy but be god damned, you always were a coward.”

“I know Mom.”

“Have fun.”

“I’ll try.”

You fade away and I’m soon to follow. Saw my mother, killed my mother. I can check that off my to do list. Never thought of myself as a Buddhist till now, hope they have a good retirement plan. Here I go.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Carson Margedant
    May 09, 2011 @ 08:57:07

    “Followers of the Way [of Chán], if you want to get the kind of understanding that accords with the Dharma, never be misled by others. Whether you’re facing inward or facing outward, whatever you meet up with, just kill it! If you meet a buddha, kill the buddha. If you meet a patriarch, kill the patriarch. If you meet an arhat, kill the arhat. If you meet your parents, kill your parents. If you meet your kinfolk, kill your kinfolk. Then for the first time you will gain emancipation, will not be entangled with things, will pass freely anywhere you wish to go.” -Linji

    It always sounded a bit like death to me.


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