Felicity Lives On

I decided the world needed you Felicity, so I made a new one. She’s not even one now but she’s pretty much you. I call her Shirley and I hope she has a better life than you did. I’m going to hold her, love her and do everything a father should. The only thing is, I think of you while I hold her and I know you’re not exactly her.

It’s hard looking into her smile and not see you. I know one day, when I’m old, I’ll probably slip and call her Felicity. The trapeze I traverse scares the living shit out of me. If I keep thinking of her like you, I could really screw her up. I could make her your shadow in my eyes and she’d resent me for it. Hell, I’d resent me for it.

I shouldn’t have done this. You’re dead and for all I know the world is better for it. Maybe that’s how it’s suppose to be. Something divine just came down and snipped you because you were wrong for this world. I’m just a conceited heretic pining for yesterday.

Then again, I see those dark eyes that she inherited from you. Those eyes are enough for me to look my lord God in the face and deny him. This girl is too great not to be. I’ll tell her later, after Beth and I have had our kid, after we’re all settled. We’ll tell Shirley about her strange frozen mother and her sad end. I’ll make sure to keep Shirley from dark alleys. I’ll make sure she knows when it’s okay to let go of things.

…They were just things Felicity, they weren’t worth it.

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