My Innermost Hotspot

It starts with the first waking moment. As I eat cereal, I’m looking for that cell tower 50 yards from my house and hoping that I can find it soon so that I can learn about today’s weather. I can see the damn thing, I can hit it with a rock but I can’t find it to save my life. After 6 minutes of this bullshit, I give up and go over the TV. It’s going to rain. Great, just fucking great, because I get excellent reception as is.

Anyways, I leave the house and walk to my bus and I can see that Ms. Vasquez still isn’t using a password. I take advantage of this fact to tell my boss that I’m going to be a little late. I can’t imagine pulling out a keyboard right now, so I use the little tablet I keep on me. Really, I felt kind of silly buying the obsolete little piece of tech but it’s come in handy.

I almost miss the bus but luckily my sneakers prove to be the most reliable technology I’ve got. The driver points out that I’m probably eligible for disability; which is true but I’m pretty sure the fat bastard would look a lot worse if he had tried to catch that bus. I sit down and look around my bus and see a world of people desperately trying to stay distracted. It’s just me and the old lady who’s laughing her ass off. We are in the moment, although one of us obviously has dementia.

Having no where to be mentally, I start unfurling that mental keyboard. It takes a moment to put the keys in the proper order. I spell out that obscure and nerdy magical incantation: qwertyuiop asdfghjkl zxcvbnm. Then I start to type a letter to my mother, explaining that I am both the Lindbergh baby and Batman. Half way through explaining the insane dichotomy of this, I realize that I have a signal. I erase the letter in fear of sending it. I dick around for the rest of the bus trip as those with internet are want to do.

My office is in the Majestic building and I won’t have any internet again until I’m actually inside. It sort of sucks but it’s nothing compared to the panic I have when there is an outage. It’s just so scary being alone after being so connected. My office is on the fifth floor and the elevator is always so damn slow. There’s someone new in there with me. She’s small, Asian, sort of beautiful

and she’s looking at me with big round eye and then she looks back down at her cellphone. Oh.

“The password is parakeet.”


“Not that it’ll work more than fifty meters away from me.”

“Wait, are you saying… I didn’t think the FCC had given the go ahead for that.”

“I’m a test case.”

“Jeez, how is it?”


“I guess I’m going to have to keep close to you for a while.”

Sometimes, the world is not as lonely as it seems.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Evelyn
    Sep 17, 2011 @ 11:38:27

    Again, so mightily bizarre and brilliant.


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