Long Live the New Flesh and the HMO that Provided It

When the machines are laid bare, it’s all so simple. Just oh so many bloody strings are bound together to move an arm. It would be interesting if it wasn’t for the lack of anesthetic. Painfully his right arm twitched. He was transfixed in the motion. Bertram wondered why he was wearing a gag but the wonder ceased somewhere in the second incision. Slowly the nurse walked back to the bed Bertram was strapped to. She held in her hand a roll of something warm and vaguely reminiscent of a cast. She looked over at the hand towel duck taped into his mouth.

“Tsk, tsk. A doctor should no better.”

With one fast pull the towel and all facial hair was gone. He erupted with a heaven piercing scream.

“I’m sorry they really should have medicated you. Allow me to alleviate this.”

She left to the cabinet across the room. Bertram notice as she turned that she had a magnificent ass which shined through the formless scrubs. She also had a bobbed haircut and her top had three flowers and… that was all. That was all he could think before being overtaken with how amazingly awful missing skin felt. Being that he was strapped to a medical bed, he couldn’t do much about this but wait for painkillers.

She came back with a bag that was full of divinity apparently. He noticed that the florescent lights in the hallway was flickering in a pattern or maybe that was just paranoia rearing it’s ugly head. Soon she got back to the warm tape stuff and covered it around his arm.

“Um, been meaning to ask, what did I break?”

“Hmm?”

“Why am I getting a cast?”

“You’re not.”

“Then what’s going on.”

“It’s sort of like rebar.”

“You’re going to pour cement on my arm?”

“Don’t be silly, we still have your flesh, will just graft that back on.”

“Well that’s macabre but something in my modest upbringing says I should praise you for not being wasteful.”

“Thank you.”

“Why am I getting rebar skin?”

“It’s resistant to cuts, scrapes.”

“So I have a knife proof right arm.”

“Within a year, you’ll have a knife proof body.”

“Have I been getting into knife fights while sleeping? Sleeping stabbing, have I been sleep stabbing?”

“No, you’re insurance says your a klutz.”

Slowly Bertram went to sleep.

In the future, most people will have wifi medical diagnostics in them. Remember to use password protected networks and always always remember, do not check Auto-Upgrade.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. LevelTwo
    Oct 06, 2011 @ 12:37:26

    Ha! If only.

    Reply

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