The Coarsest Solution

The stone walls had been overwhelmed by ivy. It seeped into the cracks and turned the whole world green. The stone didn’t mind, as it could not fathom how to mind due to an obvious lack there of. If it had a mind, it might be something like Calvin who lurks inside the stone house. Calvin views the ivy and all other life encroaching upon him as parasitic and quite redundant.

There was answer to the problem outside the window. The creepies, the crawlies, and the walkies could all be dealt with by the same simple solution. The problem was that while chemical warfare could kill most things, there was always the odd archea and protozoa that might find themselves immune, so he reworked the solution and build a more general solution and then a broader fix still.

On the only door to his house there is a deadbolt which has no knob; only an external keyhole. A man comes in every day to give Calvin his bread and the news of the world. The man is thanked and then scorned after he leaves Calvin’s presence. Really, Calvin thinks he got off very lightly for attempted geocide. Of course, it is work release (after a fashion) and Calvin must pay his due. The DoD would get first crack at this bad boy for sure.