Ashley’s Atypically Apparent Anxiety

We’re going to die. The floor is going to buckle, The glass will crack and we will plummet to our deaths. We are going to die, because if we don’t die, I’m meeting an important person on a top floor. This doesn’t happen to guys like me, so I’m pretty sure the glass will fall out and I will be granted sweet death.

The woman next to me is probably happy with her life. I must try to stop myself from destroying the elevator with the awesome power of my anxiety. It’s hard for me because my anxiety is a weapon of mass destruction and isn’t easily controlled. I’m breathing in as deeply as I can and I’m trying to get back to my happy place. It’s my house, yeah I’m a bit of a fuddy duddy.

I get off on the third floor, right next to the pretzel place. I’m about to go to try and get work at a lingerie shop. I had forgotten that I had filled out an application and for their part they had forgotten that Ashley could be a boy’s name. The interview is conducted sheepishly and last only 5 minutes, wasting everybody’s time. I leave feeling stupid; she feels stupid too but she’s also employed so I don’t feel too bad about her.

Everyone is staring at me and I’m a bit overwhelmed. A bum just came out a lingerie shop after 5 minutes and everyone’s pretty sure he’s sniffed all the panties there. Everybody’s judging me as they walk by without even looking at me. It’s enough that I’m pretty sure that if I explode right now I’d be pretty happy in that fraction of a second. There’s a bit of spark behind me and then a big, holy hell, bit of flame.

My anxiety has crappy aim. Good news is, I’ve got another job offer. The man is tall dark and scary. I think he thinks I’m scarier. I think that may be the job I’m being offered. Oh well, work’s work.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. somethingnewplease
    Oct 18, 2011 @ 23:04:43

    The question everyone wants to know is if the tall/dark/scary man knows the gender of Ashley.

    “,,,sniffed all the panties.” HIlarious.



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