Abbott Loves Costello

“By Robert Frost’s homophobic horse, those eggs were bad.”

“I’m not questioning that first clause. I’m done being your straight man.”


“As long as your happy I’m happy.”

“See the joke is…”

“The joke is gay, that’s always the punchline with you.”

“That’s not true. Sometimes it’s penis.”

“Okay, but why do you always try for the most immature joke possible?”

“Because you laugh.”

“Yeah, but you can do better.”

“I can, but I know I can make you laugh this way.”

“Sometimes you have to risk bombing in order to get better at joking.”

“But why should I risk making you happy?”

“Maybe I want something different?”

“Are you saying you want to try men?”


“Not even Cody Yuen?”

“That doesn’t count, he’s on my mancrush list and you know it. It’s fantasy.”

“Oh, just not me then?”

“No, I didn’t say that! I just…”

“…want something else.”

“something more serious. I guess.”

“And I’m to silly for that.”

“Stop breaking us up. I’ve loved you since Brownies. I loved you in college and there were way hotter girls there.”

“So why didn’t you marry one?”

“Because I want to marry you, you dumb dirl.”

“So, we’re not breaking up.”


“I can continue making bad jokes and you can continue laughing at them?”

“Seems that way.”

“Okay. A family walks into a talent agency. It’s a father, mother, son…”